![]() When you become an assertive person you learn how to stand up for yourself so you don’t get walked all over by people. One of the ways to deal with anger issues is to learn and practice assertiveness. The resulting “depression” is just the way the person with BPD chooses to express those angry feelings. Yes, all those things can lead a person to feel angry but that anger is reactive in nature. I think depression in people with BPD is caused by years of neglect and not feeling heard, being scapegoated by the family of origin and feeling bullied. People like to say that depression is anger turned inwardly. The only thing negative about anger are the consequences involved if you deal with your anger inappropriately by lashing out and yelling at people or breaking things or turn it in on yourself. When you are able to understand and accept that anger is an emotion like so many others and that it has no power to hurt you, you will be on your way to setting yourself free. ![]() The way you choose to deal with it is what attributes a value to it. The crux of the matter here is that almost everyone is afraid of anger because we are not taught how to express it properly. In some cases, it can be expressed somatically - that is as irritable bowel syndrome or extreme headaches caused by tension. Most people who have this kind of unaddressed anger channel it into extreme feelings of anxiety because they have to express it somehow. This is a partial explanation for why people with BPD are always “pissed off” at the world. Sometimes anger can be felt more remotely in terms of low-lying irritation or annoyance which is then displaced onto other people. They feel victimized by it because they don’t know where it comes from or how to stop it from happening. In many cases, though the person feels anger on a regular basis and engages in expressing it negatively they are unaware that they are even feeling this emotion and can not even identify it as a feeling. If they have grown up in a setting where anger is not okay, it becomes just one more “bad feeling” they feel and they will either try to run away from it or will be so overwhelmed by it that it boils over because they do not know how to contain it. As they grow up, they learn that anger is a “bad” thing and so learn to go to great lengths to avoid having it in their life. Some psychiatrists believe that people have intense issues around anger because when they were children, they were not “allowed” to express it and, in some cases, told that even feeling it was somehow bad. The flip side of that is that they themselves can go into a drop dead rage at the drop of a hat. ![]() They will often go to extreme lengths to make people happy in order to avoid having people get angry at them. People who have BPD often have tremendous issues with anger - both expressing it and being the recipient of it.
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